Another day of sigh(s). Yesterday night I spoke to a very close friend of mine who loves me and cares for me. After our small conversation, which lasted for over an hour, I am really not feeling quite good about so many things. Suddenly I just have this feeling that I am compromising way too much. She also thinks that I am just being 'taken for granted' for being nice by nature. "How ridiculous could it be", that's what she told, "just to maintain peace, you are agreeing to things which you should not have even allowed. Some how she suddenly made me realize that I have to just think about myself and my happiness - the way others think about themselves. I really don't know what to do.
She has given me a deadline to assign myself a deadline and decide about what I should do. Kind of wired. Its somewhat like a tug of war between self-respect, love and commitment.
So here I am... trying to rethink and rethink about what I should do. If I just close my emotional senses and think through 'LOGICAL' point of view, then the answer is quite straight forward. But that is not the kind of person I am. I always think through my 'EMOTIONS'. I dont know if that is the reason I am in such a mess.
Bapi, I really miss you. I wish you were still there for me... You never left me alone, always held my hand, guided me.... showed me the right way... please just for this one last time, show me the way.
I love my self respect and my love.... Its way too difficult for me to decide...
